Newsletter
for all those touched by adoption in the Greater Jackson
Area |
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Adoption Advisory Committee
We need your opinions!! The Adoption Resource Center Advisory Committee needs your
input and suggestions. Please come to any of our meetings, held at the offices of Family
Service & Children's Aid. Call (517) 787-7920 for dates and times.
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At any given
time in the state
of Michigan, at least 600 children are waiting for a
permanent home. |
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Supporting Adoption
Are you interested in talking with others that share your experience? The Adoption
Resource Center wants to support all members of the adoption circle....adoptees, birth
parents, and adoptive parents. Our first support group, for adult adoptees, began this
Spring and other kinds of support groups will follow. We are also looking for mentors,
particularly adoptive parents, willing to team with another family and provide support,
guidance, or a listening ear. If you are interested, please contact us. |
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Adult Adoptees Support Group
We began the Spring of 2001 with the start of an adult adoptee support
group. This support group is free, and open to any adult adoptee (age 18 or older)
regardless of their age at the time of adoption or any other factor. Meetings are held at
our main office, 330 W. Jackson Avenue, just west of downtown Jackson between First St.
and Blackstone. For more information, please call Kathy at (517) 787-7920. |
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Scholarships Available
The Jackson County Community Foundation has
a number of scholarships available for
students who are residents of Jackson County. Information regarding the scholarships can
be obtained from The Jackson County Community Foundation, 230 W. Michigan
Avenue, Jackson, Michigan 49201. Call
517.787.1321 or email info@jacksoncf.org |
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Volunteers
The Adoption Resource Center is looking for volunteers to help with mailings,
organizing & cataloging library materials, distributing materials in the community,
and other tasks. Whatever works with your schedule would be great for us. If you are
interested in becoming a volunteer, please call (517) 787-7920, email us at adoption@strong-families.org or
use
our online Volunteer form. |
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Entitlement
One of the most important tasks for adoptive parents is developing the feeling that
the child really belongs to them. This feeling is often referred to as entitlement. In the
book, You're Our Child: The Adoption Experience, by Smith & Miroff, this idea is
explored. |
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Years ago, families did not always discuss adoption openly. Illegitimacy was a
stigma and often infertility problems were not acknowledged publicly. In today's world,
people do share readily with their adopted children and this openness has benefited the
adoptive relationship. |
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Smith and Miroff define entitlement or "belongingness" as not only
the
idea that the child belongs to the adoptive parents, but that the child belongs to them
"unconditionally and even exclusively." Entitlement comes easily when a child is
born. No one questions that the parents are the parents. But adoptive parents have an
extra psychological step. They have to recognize and accept that the child has biological
parents who brought them into the world.
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Other differences are apparent. Adoptive parents must show their fitness to become
parents. They also need intermediaries (agencies, lawyers, doctors) to become parents.
They are faced with uncertainties about whether they will actually get a child and then
whether the child will legally be theirs after a period of time. For birth parents, the
time frame for baby's arrival is pretty certain and predictable. For adopters, the time
fr |
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Society also presents some challenges that adoptive parents have to meet before
they feel like "real parents" . Smith & Miroff go on to say
that adoptive parents
and children have to answer the question whether the real parents
are the biological ones or the ones who give the child
nurturance and love. If the adoptive parents have resolved
this issue, the child will too (and visa versa). Society will continue to ask questions such as, "Are the
girls really sisters?". Those who feel the true sense of belonging and accept the differences in adoption are not as put off by insensitive
remarks. |
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Entitlement and the resulting sense that the child is unconditionally
one's own is very important. Without it problems can arise.
Parents may have difficulties disciplining their children, not sure if they
are entitled to. There can be difficulties allowing the child independence
or discussing adoption. it can cause feelings of guilt. |
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When asked if they feel the adopted child is their own, most adoptive
parents readily answer "yes". But by observing actions, an
underlying or unconscious struggle may be visible. Parents
may become defensive when others compare their appearances to their
children's. Some struggle to insist the child looks like them, even when
they are of a different race. Anxious feelings may arise when discussions of
adoption occur. These kinds of things may mean the family needs to
re-examine their feelings and views. Sometimes professional help is needed. |
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Smith & Miroff see some small tasks as important to the bigger
accomplishment of entitlement. One is to recognize the differences between
the two types of parenthood. Acknowledgement of differences can result in
better communication between parent and child. A second task
is to recognize and accept the feelings that come with infertility. Couples
need to see their personal competence as unrelated to their ability to
conceive. An additional challenge is to handle all the questions that come
to them about the child's adoptive status and dealing with society's view
that biological parenthood is better than adoptive parenthood. For some
couples, an extra task is to deal with "feelings of guilt and sadness
regarding the birth mother's anguish at releasing her child." The joy of
becoming parents can sometimes be watered down by knowing their happiness is
at the birth mother's expense. |
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The authors feel there is much evidence to suggest that unresolved
feelings of anger, disappointment, or guilt over infertility can affect
family life. The ability of the parents to accept infertility has an impact
on the acceptance of the adopted child. Smith & Miroff emphasis that
infertility is not the critical factor, but the resulting feelings and their
resolution are. |
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The joys of parenthood can be experienced as fully by adoptive
parents as by biological parents, say the authors, provided they have
developed this important sense of entitlement to their child. |
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Compiled quarterly by:
The Adoption Resource Center of Family Service
& Children's Aid
Direct inquiries, letters and editorials to:
330 W. Michigan Avenue, P.O. Box 6128 Jackson, MI 49204-6128
call 517.787.7920 fax 517.787.2440 adoption@strong-families.org |
